Reddit is one of those social venues where readers are not shy to let fly with their opinions.
One especially volatile subreddit (group) is AITA — Am I the A–hole — where people post their narratives and the group members vote on whether they were insensitive, i.e. an a–hole.
Earlier this week, member u/Throwitawayaccy casually tossed a bombshell into the group by posting the account of a birthday party she threw for her son where she served a cake made with peanut butter despite her nephew having a severe peanut allergy.
Here is her post, titled “AITA for getting my son a peanut birthday cake even though my nephew is allergic?“
AITA for getting my son a peanut birthday cake even though my nephew is allergic?
My son just turned 7. He wanted peanut butter cake, so I got him the peanut butter cake. My nephew (8) is severely allegric, so I also got a small generic vanilla cake for him and any other kid who may not want the peanut one.
The peanut cake was decorated, had candles etc, and it was the cake the kids saw and is on pictures. The vanillla cake was small and garden variety, it was in the kitchen and I cut it up there and took pieces out for the kids who wanted it (about 5 kids out of 20).
Most kids at the party were cousins of my son (my husband and I both come from big families) plus some friends. Adults were also there, mostly my siblings and my husband’s.
When my sister saw the peanut cake, she freaked and yelled at me, saying if her son touches the cake, he could die. I told her that I told the kids it’s peanut cake and that I have a vanilla one in the kitchen for my nephew. She freaked out and her husband walked her into the house to calm her down.
When she came back, the kids were already eating cake. She asked me “so you are okay with my son dying so that yours can have cake?”. I told her that’s absurd and I’m not getting into it at a kid’s party.
Afte the party, she said I am an inconsiderate AH for not taking her kid into consideration. If he had just a little bit of cake by accident, he could die.
So… Aita?
The post received over 8,500 “upvotes” — meaning readers found the content worth reading and responding to — and over 3,000 responses.
The consensus: A–hole.
Here are a few of the responses. Note that “OP” is reddit lingo for “original poster” and “YTA” for “You’re the a–hole”.
u/godzillasuit:
did you warn her ahead of time that there would be a serious allergen present? I would be freaked out too if I was blindsided with a life-threatening food too.
u/littlefiddle05:
OP brought this to a room of 20 7-year-olds (maybe some of them younger, if younger siblings??) who are virtually guaranteed to drop crumbs, get some on their hands, and touch one another.
I would be so livid. If my kid had a peanut allergy and there was going to be a peanut cake at a 7-year-old’s birthday party, my kid would not be attending. I would totally respect the host’s right to serve what they want to serve, but I’d expect them to understand why my child doesn’t need to risk his life to be there for it.
u/Mental-Woodpecker500:
Yeah it makes me go YTA on this one since some people’s allergies are so severe they can’t even be in the same room with it. Yes it was outside but still. Those kids are sitting right next to each other(I’m assuming) and what if a younger one that didn’t understand well enough started touching/grabbing at the child with the allergy? It just seems very careless of the op to not send a quick warning message out that the “main cake” was peanut and a vanilla alternative was available so that the parents can be aware and plan accordingly.
Fabulous_Piccolo_178:
YTA for not knowing basic facts about how allergens spread and for getting your kid a peanut butter cake to serve at a party to which your nut-allergic nephew was invited. It kinda sounds like you were looking for a fight with your sister more than you actually cared about your kid’s cake preference; it would not have been hard at all to explain that “when we invite people over and they bring us presents we need to make sure they’re safe and we make sure things that could hurt them are put away safely, so if you want to have a party let’s pick a cake everybody can enjoy.” It would have been a teachable moment instead of a nightmare.
So you be the judge: what feedback would YOU give the mom who hosted the birthday party? And does the mom of the allergic boy bear any responsibility for remaining at the party despite the risk of contact to her son?
Sound off below and let us know what you think.
She was wrong not to warn her sister ahead of time. They should have discussed it and decided together. I suspect that there were already problems between the siblings. The children are victims of the parental generation’s failure to get along.
If she actually cares about her sister and nephew, the cake should not have been a peanut butter cake. If the birthday boy wanted a peanut butter cake (something I’ve never even heard of, but ok), then he could have had it before or after his party. Now, if she doesn’t care about her sister and nephew and subconsciously wanted to gaslight them, then job well done.
If I publicly posted my thoughts they’d be banned. Smh she is cruel.
A bigger question is,”Would you want your son’s birthday associated with an anaphylactic reaction -mid-party- and/or his cousin’s death?”
For a mother to have a peanut butter birthday cake knowing a child with a severe peanut allergy would be attending is unthinkable! She put that child at serious risk of an anaphylactic reaction! Had I been the parent of the peanut allergic child I would have left immediately-family or not!
Oh my god – the same thing happened to us at a family reunion. My then 7 year old daughter and 7 year old niece are allergic to peanuts. I discussed it with my aunt (the host) who already knew anyway and I was put in charge of desserts to prevent this very thing from happening. But, my aunt went ahead and put out peanut butter cookies anyway (ah, the crumbs!!) and then someone actually put a bag of peanuts ON the dessert table! I was and am still furious 3 years later. This side of the family though does not talk to ME because they say I’m in the wrong. Reading this and the responses was vindicating to me. Yes the OP is 100% wrong! How is the need for desserts more important than someone’s life and safety?!
Yes. You ATA!!!!
A peanut cake is synonymous to a gun for a peanut allergic child. Everyone there who ate it, touched it, etc. put the nephew at risk and could have caused a serious reaction or potentially death. I am sure the OP wouldn’t like it if all the kids at the party brought a deadly weapon, but she did by serving peanut cake. She definitely falls in the category of you “ATA”.
Wow…. When you have a child with severe allergies, you are use to living a certain way in order to keep them safe. However the same goes for those who don’t live with allergies- they are not trained or aware of all the precautions needed to be taken. As a parent of an allergy child I have been in similar situations. Best advice is to always ask questions before hand and be prepared with Epi’s on hand, back up foods, and sanitizers. Also educate where and when you can…. This is sooo needed every where and everyone!
She put her nephew in danger Cross contamination is very possible. There’s no excuse for behaving so selfishly. Her sister should never trust her – she is careless and doesn’t take food allergies seriously!
Maybe the allergic community should be funding research on a cure for A-holes. I would donate to that.
the sister should not have acted out so much however the host should have considered it more but she was not an A-hole
This is f***ing disgusting. She is definitely TAH. If the nephew had died, she realizes she could go TO JAIL for CHILD neglect. There’s literally SO MANY other kinds of cakes she could have made but she CHOSE PEANUT BUTTER WHILE KNOWING THE NEPHEW HAD A SEVERE ALLERGY AND KNOWING HE COULD DIE UPON MERE CONTACT! Humanity continues to disgust me every day.