Dear Fellow Parent,
I understand your child will have to forgo peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at school in order to protect children with food allergies like mine. I realize this accommodation may seem extreme to you, especially since your child refuses to eat anything else but PB&J. Though I am sympathetic and can offer you a strategy for dealing with this, let me first explain why the school has adopted this rule.
In 2007, it was estimated that over 3 million children aged 18 years and under had some kind of food allergy1 and that number has been rising. Though there are many theories as to why this is, no one knows for sure. What we do know is that allergic reactions can range anywhere from mild – with symptoms like redness and itchiness – to anaphylaxis, a life threatening reaction that can include vomiting, difficulty breathing, and in extreme cases, death. To complicate matters, no one can predict with 100% certainty which children are at risk for anaphylaxis, and worse, a child doesn’t need to eat a food they are allergic to to have an anaphylactic reaction; contact with another child or an item that has been exposed to the allergen can sometimes be enough to trigger onset. Because of this, our children’s teacher carries an epinephrine injector, the treatment of choice if the unthinkable should happen, and why foods containing peanuts are prohibited from our children’s classroom.
Some think that children with food allergies should go to private school or be home schooled so as not to inconvenience the parents of “normal” children, but this is discriminatory thinking of days gone by. Thanks to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, my child has the right to be accommodated any place that receives federal assistance, and that includes our school.2
Let me say thanks in advance for your understanding and compliance with the peanut butter ban as I fully understand that your family is making an accommodation to ensure the safety of mine. In return, I offer the following advice to help you transition your child from peanut butter to an alternative that is safe, more healthful, and acceptable to our school’s policy.
Peanut butter derives much of its taste from the roasting process. There are a number of other spreads available at the supermarket that use a similar roasting process and taste remarkably similar to peanut butter. My child likes sunflower seed butter, but soy nut butter is another alternative.
Now similar does not mean exactly like, so you’ll need to ease your child into a peanut butter alternative behind the scenes so they won’t taste the difference. Here’s the secret: when your child has lunch at home, simply mix 3/4 peanut butter with 1/4 peanut butter alternative, and on successive days change the proportion to more and more of the alternative spread. In no time your child will be enjoying PBA&J (peanut butter alternative and jelly ;-) sandwiches, and we’ll all breathe easier knowing our children are safe, secure and happy.
Thanks again and please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Concerned Parent
P.S.: SnackSafely.com has a list of commonly available snacks that are free of peanuts, tree nuts and eggs – perfect for the next classroom party.
Sources:
I think this is a wonderful letter. I am both a parent of a 2 year old who has became allergic to tree nuts, and to three other children ( 19, 17, and 12 ) who do not suffer from any food allegies. I had the same “but why” attitude. Until it hit home. Please just be resepectful. Don’t send [peanut butter to school]. With all the alternatives out there, it is just cruel and wrong to fight against the very protection of a child’s life. When/If it is your own child, you WILL see this subject through a different heart.
REALLY? If your kid so so sensitive, then they need to be educated on their allergy from the second you figure out, and carry an epi-pen with them at all times. I’m deathly allergic to bees; my mom didn’t write a letter to rest of the kids’ parents and expect THEM to do anything about it, or tell the school they needed to set out bee traps and kill any bee that flew on campus. Instead she explained to me that it could kill me if I continued to poke bees’ nests with sticks. I was five at the time. So, explain to your very allergic child that eating peanut butter will make them very sick, and that they will have to get a shot if they do. Shots are an extremely effective motivator, particularly if your kid doesn’t quite understand that dead means gone forever.
Celia, while I respect your opinion, the comparison of your circumstances as a child with those of food allergic kids today misses the mark. A better comparison would play out like this: Suppose the parents of your fellow classmates had a choice to send their children to school with a peanut butter alternative or live bees. Would it have been too much of an imposition to ask them to choose the alternative in deference to your life threatening allergy, even if live bees was their favorite snack? Peanuts are just as dangerous in the classroom and accidental contact just as unpredictable as the possibility of a random bee sting.
Every parent of a food allergic child spends a great deal of time educating (read ‘training’) their child to avoid allergens, but that’s only half the story; accidental contact is much harder to prevent.
And why so indignant? Is the prospect of sending your child to school with an alternative so onerous to you that you would forgo another child’s safety?
Jodi…clearly you do not have a child that can die in two minutes from a peanut/ tree nut allergy. Consider yourself blessed. I am sorry that trying to keep our children ALIVE is getting on your nerves. Maybe you should really consider what can truly happen to our children. This is not just a rash we are talking about here!
I am concerned about other allergies like milk or soy. Since we can’t forbid milk at schools, why do we feel the need to ban peanuts, tree nuts. It is much more effective to teach and establish baseline safety procedures to deal with the allergens. Aren’t we trying to teach our children how to learn and survive in the real world? Not remove all unsafe items from the world. We can’t do that in the real world or in the school environment. So shouldn’t we be more concerned with making things safe for all children with allergies. I am all for that.
My 5 year old has eczema. Really bad eczema & when he eats certain foods he breaks out all over his body. Nothing seems to really help his itching & yes, we have tried about a hundred different creams, lotions, medications & home remedies. When he goes to school, I am very cautious about what I pack in his lunch. He does not eat the cafeteria food even though his teacher and nurse know what he can & can not have! However, I do not put the “responsibility” of what he eats onto other parents or students in his class. If a parent sends their children to school with something that my son is “allergic”too, my son is seated at the end of the table BY HIMSELF!!! I’m going to jump on my soapbox for a second & say that I should be able to send my child to school with whatever I chose to in his lunch box! Let the child who has the allergy be seated in a different section of the cafeteria! I love children and do not wish ANY child harm. So if a child has a life threatening issue they should be the ones who are isolated! Don’t care if I offend anyone but this is just one mother’s opinion. I don’t have a problem with my child having to sit separate from his classmates. It doesn’t hurt my child’s feelings either!
I have a son with a life threatening peanut allergy and other food allergies. This is a good letter. He is in a school that does allow peanut butter and it is a constant struggle to ensure that the educators are aware and educated, without being the overbearing parent. I did not let my son eat the alternatives when he was young, it was important to me that he knew to avoid everything that looked like peanut butter. Now that he is 10 he has a good understanding and has tried some alternative, but doesn’t like them.
I am the mother of a first-grader with a peanut allergy and am experiencing problems with educating others, so welcome your letter and further discussions. I do have 2 points though that I am interested in hearing more views on:
1- The issue of a peanut butter substitute makes me very nervous. I am trying to teach my child what is dangerous/should be avoided and can’t see the sense in introducing a substitute product that many claim “looks the same”. How do you teach them to avoid one thing and yet say it’s OK to eat another when they appear the same? Aren’t you safer saying ‘Don’t eat anything that looks remotely like this’? What would stop your child from reaching out for peanut butter because they are thinking, ‘oh this OK, I have it at home’? Also, with the resistance from other parents that many have experienced, saying they can use a product for the school environment that is identical in appearance to a one that is banned is simply too hard to police. I worry the alternative product just gives us a false sense of security. I wouldn’t put it past a few parents to just use PB and think they can get away with it
2 – When trying to educate others about allergies, I find the term ‘allergies’ to be my worst enemy. The prevalence of seasonal allergies (and associated advertising) seems to have made us overfamiliar with the term allergies and we tend to think it only means a few sniffles etc. I find when you are educating others about a severe food allergy that results in anaphylaxis, you should call it just that – Food Anaphylaxis. I get a better response. I think it gives it the level of severity that it requires and helps stop other parents thinking their child can’t have PB&J because mine might get a runny nose.
Great points, Helen! I especially like your idea for stressing Food Anaphylaxis over allergies.
I sympathize with your concern that parents will try to circumvent peanut bans and send their kids to school with real PB in the guise of an alternative. In fact, some schools have banned anything looking like PB, but this is the exception, not the norm. My hope is that schools will make it as simple for parents to comply as possible, which is one of the reasons we founded this website.
As for teaching your child to avoid mistaking peanut butter for the alternative, I can only speak from our own experience. At a very early age we drummed into our daughter never to accept food that wasn’t either in her lunch box or the goody box we kept filled for her at school for celebrations. Even though the school uses our snack guide to keep allergens out of the classroom, we still insist she only eat foods that come from home.
I agree 100% with Helen & Monica. At first, I thought Monica’s statement sounded harsh at the child sitting alone, but I’m sure they have a buddy that will join them. I still remember being a nervous mom with the thought of my child in the lunch room… what if a child next to my son, spilled his milk? And although I typed up a letter for the parents explaining the situation and even suggesting safe foods for snack time in the classroom, I don’t think I would have it in me to tell other moms what to feed their child in place of PB in the lunch room (if PB applied to us). My son is now 15. He does not have a peanut/tree nut allergy but ‘Food Anaphylaxis’ from milk and eggs. He is in high school now. I continue to pack his lunch every day as I have since the first grade as he will not trust the school cafeteria or staff. He’s mostly concerned about cross-contamination and I don’t blame him. I’m sure things have changed a lot in the grade schools since we’ve been there, but I am curious… Can’t there be ‘allergy free’ or ‘peanut free’ tables where the child can sit? I’m sure the allergic child has friends whose parent understands and respect the issue and will make them a peanut free lunch and can sit with him/her at lunch. As for the others, can a rule of hand washing be done in a disciplined manner immediately after lunch? Tables can be washed thoroughly and the child can bring his own placemat. I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic or ignorant, but perhaps understand why this plan could not work. Keep safe all you allergy families!
I failed to add: Can PB be banned from the classroom but perhaps allowed in the lunch room using the plan I mentioned above?
We’ve seen first hand the immediate reaction that occurs with trace amounts of peanut and tree nuts in our child’s cafeteria. Unseen residue from peanut butter on lunchroom tables, classroom items (books, art materials, pencils, desks) and rec equipment from children who “will only eat peanut butter” triggered immediate anaphalaxis within our daughter. Nothing is worse than realizing that your child’s school environment is unsafe, each and every day because of parents who fight NOT to have empathy or understanding within their hearts.
Thank you very much for the letter describing why your child can not bring peanut butter to school. As a “nut” free preschool, we struggle with this issue frequently. I have taken the time to state our school policy in our handbook and on sign up sheets for special events. I specifically state to parents, “please do not send in items that contain peanuts or tree nuts or that have been processed on machinary that might contain these items”. I tell them to check the labels!!! I am simply amazed and dumbfounded when a parent will hand me a bag of Snickers, 3 Musketeers or Kit Kat bars when the label states quite clearly that the candy may be cross contimated with nuts! The best response from a parent just last week took the cake! She sent in a special treat for her son’s birthday that had a label that specifically said ‘may contain nuts’. This specific two year old classroom has a child with a life threatening allergy to peanuts and when we gave her back the snack, she was only concerned that her child was dissappointed that he didn’t get to have a special snack! The child who had the LIFE THREATENING allergy didn’t even faze her!
Asking parents to ‘substitute’ peanut butter with another alternative is perfectly fine. I advocate that highly to my parents when they say their child only eats PB & J for lunch. Thank you very much for your website. I will direct parents to use the information you have made available.
Thank you for this letter. I think it does a good job of explaining what could happen if an allergic child were to come in contact with peanut butter; however, what is not mentioned and I had a hard time getting my daughters school to include in what”s not allowed in the classroom, is things that contain peanuts. Just saying peanut butter gives many parents the impression that other forms of peanuts are acceptable.
Also, many children are allergic to tree nuts (walnuts, cashews) as well, and while I am aware that your article deals with a peanut allergy, many schools fail to include the tree nut allergy when sending letters home to parents. Even reminding the teacher ahead of time, I’ve seen many letters come home for school parties “no peanut butter candy” or “no candy with peanuts.” Thankfully I went to all of her school parties, because it turned out they gave the entire class, including her, Snickers during the Halloween party in 1st and 2nd grade.
Mel, you are absolutely right about the open letter not mentioning other peanut-based foods. In this case we were specifically addressing the hot-button topic of peanut butter which has been in the news lately. We do encourage parents to use our letter as a template and edit it to fit their children’s specific allergies and circumstances.
a good way is to simply introduce the alternative to the kids :) my daughter has a peanut allergy and LOVES sunbutter. I packed some in her lunch one day and one of the boys asked if she was eating peanut butter? (they have a peanut free classroom.) she of course reminded him she can’t have PB and told him it was her special sunbutter. (Asking the teacher first if it was okay) she offered him some of it to try… and he LOVED it. He said he was going to tell him Mom about it.
Now, this is just a scenario with 6 year olds mind you… but as a parent, it would be a good idea to bring in some to the class of the alternative kinds letting the kids try some – whether in a sandwich bite, cookie, or some fashion.
Just an idea. :)
I do not have a child but…I was a teacher and I will say one thing. Lying to a child is an absolutely abominable way to handle the situation! There is nothing worse than deceit and that is what you are advocating!
While we do not at all advocate lying to your child, we also don’t see the need to worry your child needlessly that his favorite lunch (and possibly the only thing he’ll eat for lunch) will be taken away from him. Parents mix foods behind the scenes to transition their children all the time; we see this as no different from adding formula to a baby’s bottle to help wean her from breast milk, or adding pureed vegetables to spaghetti sauce to fortify a child’s diet. Families often agonize over their kids’ diets and the issue of banning peanut butter is a hot topic everywhere. We strongly believe this is an effective, low-stress solution for the parents and child.
Parents, please let us know how you feel about this issue by responding here. Do you believe that you are somehow being disingenuous to your child by slowly transitioning them from peanut butter to an alternative? Have you tried this method and has it worked for you? We value your feedback.
Marianne, no one endorses lying to a child. This is a process of weaning a child from one food to another. Personally, I don’t ask my child which brand of mustard, jam etc to purchase and making a peanut butter sandwich with peanut butter or an alternative is only a big deal if you make it one.
At my house, my daughter’s friends will get either Wow (soy butter) or SunButter (sunflower seed butter) depending on which was the best bargain when I was shopping. They like them equally and often request sandwiches!
At the last bake sale I attended, the allergen aware table offered free samples of Wow and 42 out of 44 liked it. Of the two dissenting tasters, one was a peanut butter gourmand who only eats freshly ground peanuts and the other has a peanut allergy and is distrustful of anything that resembles peanut butter.
The point is, there are alternatives out there.
I am VERY concerned about offering kids soy butter or sunflower seed butter without telling them what it is… “not peanuts” is NOT enough!
I am 44 years old and have food anaphylaxis to peanuts, tree nuts, and SOY… so your friendly alternative would KILL me just as fast as the peanuts!!
Please reconsider this practice. Many kids are allergic to soy, and some to sunflower seeds and sesame. Protecting your peanut-allergic kid shouldn’t involve killing the soy-allergic neighbor child.
Thanks for your consideration. Oh, and the alternatives at our house? Something completely different. We don’t use any sort of protein-butter-anything at our house, ever, and we get along just fine; 2 adults and 3 kids, including an almost-4 year old.
“Lying to a child is an absolutely abominable way to handle the situation! There is nothing worse than deceit and that is what you are advocating!”
Do you encourage the belief of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.? Is it really deceitful when this substitute can save a child’s life? Life is full of sacrifices. If anything, that is what we are teaching our children.
Reactions like yours are part of the reason why parents of children with anaphylaxis are so scared to send their children to school–you’re nitpicking one little thing in the face of the numerous parents and teachers who actively bully allergic children and refuse to accommodate them despite the clear and present threat to their lives. I understand how in some cases, the ends do not justify the means, but I expect better critical thinking and reading skills out of those who call themselves educators. Nowhere did the author say to lie to the child, as in passing the alternative as peanut butter. It was simply suggested that a child could be weaned onto a peanut butter alternative by mixing it with real peanut butter until the child’s tastes have adjusted. You could tell the child, or simply not say anything, but in neither case are you lying.
“absolutely abominable”
You are obviously letting your biased opinion rule-out your ability to be rational; really you are grasping with that comment. It is an absurd and emotionally charged statement – shame on you Marianne. If you do ever have a child, and they (God forbid) have a life threatening medical condition, you will hope for compassion from your fellow citizens, not the propagation of such unfair slander.