Dear Fellow Parent,
I understand your child will have to forgo peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at school in order to protect children with food allergies like mine. I realize this accommodation may seem extreme to you, especially since your child refuses to eat anything else but PB&J. Though I am sympathetic and can offer you a strategy for dealing with this, let me first explain why the school has adopted this rule.
In 2007, it was estimated that over 3 million children aged 18 years and under had some kind of food allergy1 and that number has been rising. Though there are many theories as to why this is, no one knows for sure. What we do know is that allergic reactions can range anywhere from mild – with symptoms like redness and itchiness – to anaphylaxis, a life threatening reaction that can include vomiting, difficulty breathing, and in extreme cases, death. To complicate matters, no one can predict with 100% certainty which children are at risk for anaphylaxis, and worse, a child doesn’t need to eat a food they are allergic to to have an anaphylactic reaction; contact with another child or an item that has been exposed to the allergen can sometimes be enough to trigger onset. Because of this our children’s teacher carries an epinephrine injector, the treatment of choice if the unthinkable should happen, and why foods containing peanuts are prohibited from our children’s classroom.
Some think that children with food allergies should go to private school or be home schooled so as not to inconvenience the parents of “normal” children, but this is discriminatory thinking of days gone by. Thanks to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, my child has the right to be accommodated any place that receives federal assistance, and that includes our school.2
Let me say thanks in advance for your understanding and compliance with the peanut butter ban as I fully understand that your family is making an accommodation to ensure the safety of mine. In return, I offer the following advice to help you transition your child from peanut butter to an alternative that is safe, more healthful, and acceptable to our school’s policy.
Peanut butter derives much of its taste from the roasting process. There are a number of other spreads available at the supermarket that use a similar roasting process and taste remarkably similar to peanut butter. My child likes sunflower seed butter, but soy nut butter is another alternative.
Now similar does not mean exactly like, so you’ll need to ease your child into a peanut butter alternative behind the scenes so they won’t taste the difference. Here’s the secret: when your child has lunch at home, simply mix 3/4 peanut butter with 1/4 peanut butter alternative, and on successive days change the proportion to more and more of the alternative spread. In no time your child will be enjoying PBA&J (peanut butter alternative and jelly ;-) sandwiches, and we’ll all breathe easier knowing our children are safe, secure and happy.
Thanks again and please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Concerned Parent
P.S.: SnackSafely.com has a list of commonly available snacks that are free of peanuts, tree nuts and eggs – perfect for the next classroom party.
Sources:
First off, for all the families with children who have severe, life threatening food allergies, hopefully nothing bad happens to your kids. Hopefully one day a cure for these allergies will be found.
Second, I went into my local store today to compare prices of peanut-free products to those products that either have nuts in them or have the “May contain peanuts” warning on the label. The peanut free products often cost more than the peanut products.
Peanut Butter is a cheap and surprisingly healthy staple for many families around the world. Things like the Wow Butter and Sunflower Seed Butter are very expensive, and many families cannot afford these products. Some families in America can barely afford to put food on the table, which is why they turn to Peanut Butter in the first place.
Up until a certain point, peanut bans are more reasonable for kids who are day care/preschool aged up until maybe Grade 3 at the latest, cannot be expected to be responsible enough to handle their food allergy on their own. Grade 4 and beyond, and especially in High School and College/University a child should be able to handle their allergy and their fellow students should not have to bend over backwards, and, in the case of some families, going well beyond what they can afford for food to accomodate ONE child who could die from trace amounts of peanuts.
When it comes to Peanut Butter bans, what about the kids whose parents may not be able to afford all this peanut-free stuff? What if these kids can’t come home everyday for lunch? Should those kids have to go hungry just to make sure the kid with the peanut allergy doesn’t die?
Also, if your child is so allergic to peanuts they’ll die from a simple sniff, then they NEED to be in a special environment. No school can be truly peanut free, that’s been tried with very negative results.
Just a few responses…
“No school can be truly peanut free, that’s been tried with very negative results.”
– Really? What negative results? Please elaborate. Which schools? How long?
“Should these kids go hungry just to make sure the kid with the peanut allergy doesn’t die?”
– Um…. Do you want me to answer this? Yes, I think it would be better that a child who refuses to eat ANYTHING BUT peanut butter go hungry for an hour or two than a CHILD DIE. Yes. Bratty hunger over forced death.
Peanut butter is about $4 a jar. Sunbutter is about $6 a jar. Are you really saying that $2 a jar is going to push families into financial ruin? No one is asking that you eat peanut-free at home. Just that one sandwich at school.
Peanuts floating in the air, peanut butter smeared on a table, and peanut residue can cause DEATH to a child with a peanut allergy. DEATH. Other allergens (wheat, eggs, dairy etc.) are much less likely to be life threatening, but peanuts are a special case.
When my son was first diagnosed with food allergies at six months I spent $300/month on special formula and baby food for him. Now that cost has come down considerably, but I do understand how expensive this can be.
I understand that it is my job to protect my child from food that may harm him. I just wish I didn’t have to protect him from bullies and people without compassion and understanding as well.
I think the difference between banning peanuts, and the argument as to “we have not requested they ban eggs, milk, bees, etc” is that peanut oil is exposed and gets into the air as an inhalent, as opposed to other allergens. The peanut oil, when inhaled, can cause a serious reaction to those who are sensitive. Although the allergen child may be aware of their allergy and act as their own advocate, that would not protect him/her against the oil in the air that can be inadvertently consumed. Similiar to second hand smoke, banning that practice was not to inihibit the rights of smokers, but to promote the rights of all to have operate in a safe environment. Peanut oil in the air can be controlled by restricting its availibility in closed settings.
I just found out my baby has a peanut allergy. I am just devestated to read some of these comments and what my son will be up against when he goes to school. Not only will he already feel excluded by checking what is in everything that is offered to him to eat, but he will hear the whispers of others who just wish he were home schooled or stopped being a baby.
Until you have a child with such a severe and difficult to control (as in difficult to control the exposure) allergy, you will not know what it is like laying awake at night wondering when that first phone call will come, advising you to meet him at the hospital. I never in my life thought I would be here.
I wonder what every one did 20yrs ago when they didn’t have these type of pointless bans. Oh that’s right people took responsibility for there own kids and didn’t rely on everyone else. I never went to a peanut free school but yet I’m sure peanut allegies existed. But parents acually took time to teach there kids teachers paid attention and not every kid was raised to be a self centered baby. If your kid have peanut allergies deal with it cause its not going to go away
My niece has been in a coma for over a month and may never recover normally. Will it take your child or someone you know to understand the severity of what they have to deal with everyday. It could be considered a weapon if someone wanted to hurt them. Please have compassion for the people and their families who have to deal with this everyday. Its a silent killer.
Please contact me about your neice if that’s ok. I run a program called flowers for anaphylaxis and would like to send a get well card to your family on behalf of support groups across the nation and mexico.
It looks to me you don’t live with our problem but you’re annoyed by it. I take full responsibility for my child and I have to have complete resolve when it comes to it. I never asked my sons school to ban anything but I do expect them to keep him safe. So, when someone was too lazy to read a label walks thru the school going “No its safe” there are ” no nuts in it” and then tries try to feed him a kit kat and M&M’s at a party. Which both products are clearly label as having nut allergens.
He comes home screaming “They are trying to kill me” What would you do?? I taught my son to stand up for himself and his allergy and thats why he came home on the bus and not in a herse.
I’ll ask you Put your child in that spot, Could you take a wheezing ,gagging desperate for air 7 yr old and jab a 3 in needle in his thigh. If you do that and your opinion might change. How my self centered baby lives
Feel free to contact me unlike you I sign my name to this, not just spit hate on a blog
Rich Johnson Johnson42498@verizon.net
Marianne,
While my children are blessedly not allergic to foods, I am. I won’t even list the food categories that are involved, but I can tell you that there is not a day that I don’t wonder if I will come in contact with some that has been cross contaminated or otherwise polluted with foods to which I am allergic. Parents of children with multiple food allergies read labels, find alternatives, search hours for recipes that will safely feed their children, and experiment with odd concoctions hoping to mimic foods everyone else takes for granted. Lying to a child does not work, so for those who have been asked to leave the PB&J at home, I would suggest that you do find an alternative (Nutella works in a lot of cases) that you children can eat at home. It isn’t the end of the world if PB&J becomes the afternoon snack.
Before anyone gets on the I teach therefore train, I want it known that I teach and carry an Epi pen everywhere I go. I have had many children over the years who are/were food allergic, and I am always shocked by the insensitive statements made by under-informed parents, and under-informed teachers. Our job is to care for children regardless of their disabilities, to create the least restrictive environment in order to allow every child into the public school system and every child to learn and grow. By being selfish, and instead of creating the least restrictive environment these children need, we give the a potential death sentence every day. So, visible or invisible, choose to lie to your children or not, the point is still the same: be respectful of the children with whom we are charged and be respectful about having to change a few things so children can be safe.
“…If your kid eats nothing but peanut butter and jelly you have some work to do. How did they reach kindergarten age and only eat one food for lunch?…”
In our case, it’s called autism. Eating only one or two foods is a feature of many children on the autism spectrum. Even our developmental pediatrician said that this is the norm for autistic kids, and “don’t stress about it Mom. They grow.”
Of course, I am sympathetic to parents of children with a life-threatening allergy. I came on this website to
get more information to protect my friends and family members who have nut allergies. However, please try to come up with a solution that accommodates the children with autism and sensory needs.
I’m just wondering if your autistic child will die from not eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich? There are other healthy alternatives then peanut butter!!!( Like wowbutter or sun butter.)Sorry to be straight forward but kids with food allergies have life threatening disabilities!!!
While the children with extreme food allergies do have a disability that could kill them (Which just blows chunks-wish there was a cure for food allergies.) Children with autism that will only eat one or two foods (Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches for example) can be so picky that they would rather starve than eat something they don’t like. This is one of the sensory issues many autistic children have their entire life.
Getting a child with autism to try something new can take a VERY long time. Due to their disability, they are VERY fixated on routine, and if their lunches change suddenly because of a peanut ban at their school, they can react badly and sometimes violently. One or two days is not enough for some autistic children, they need a few weeks notice at least so they will not be surprised by a change in their routine.
Well, I’m surprised to read that a parent of a child with special needs (autism)would be so carefree to think it is ok for their child to be accommodated at school, but not the child of another with a different type of special need…a life-threatening allergy.
I cannot believe that some people manage to sound so hateful. Whether your child has the allergy or your child is is in the class with the allergic child, is it that big of a deal to make this accommodation? If your kid eats nothing but peanut butter and jelly you have some work to do. How did they reach kindergarten age and only eat one food for lunch? My kids eat peanut butter and jelly at home but there are plenty of other things they can take to school for lunch.
While I don’t disagree with your point, I do want to say that one way a 5 year old starts school with limited food choices is texture issues. My son would live on PB&J if he could. Thankfully it is not the only thing he will eat, but it is one of the few foods he will. Since his K class is 2.5 hours it isn’t a big deal, but when 1st grade hits it might make for a difficult transition. I agree, there are other things I can send to school with him, or have him have hot lunch at school, but I know he will be coming home hungry because he can’t handle the texture of many foods. Still my concern lays more with the kid who can die if he is exposed, so of course my son won’t be bringing anything with nuts to school. I’m only responding because you sound either ill informed or maybe judgmental in regards to food sensitivities that are not allergen related. My son might not have an allergy, but he will throw up if something with a texture he can’t handle touches his tongue.
Would you rather have to worry about your child eating peanut butter and maybe dying than not eating peanut butter and letting one more child live. Please try to understand and have compassion for the other children who lives this may effect tragically.
As a school nurse with prior experience in the asthma/allergy specialty, and personal history with anaphylaxis, I understand the pros and cons to both sides of this issue. On one hand, we must be allergy-aware as a school and community and keep students with food allergies safe. On the other hand, it is not reasonable to prohibit children from bringing all foods to which students are allergic to. In my schools, this would eliminate: All dairy, egg, peanuts, tree nuts, wheat, shellfish, kiwi, and pineapple, to name a few. For some students (such as those with sensory integration issues, etc), they may only eat a few select foods. You cannot penalize them for their special need either by prohibiting their lunch or demanding an alternate food. That would also serve as discrimination under Section 504.
In a day and age where inclusion and awareness is the key, there are plenty of ways to accommodate (as Section 504 says) students with food allergies – without providing a false sense of security.
1. Provide a nut-free classroom. Ask students to eat foods with nuts OUTSIDE of the classroom.
2. Provide a cafeteria which does NOT serve nuts and which lists ingredients/allergens.
3. Provide an opportunity for students with allergies to have a “designated” seat (or table) in the cafeteria, which is cleaned in between lunches.
4. Empower students with allergies to be self-advocates and teach them to read labels and not share any food.
Awareness – not elimination is the key. 20-25% of first time life threatening allergies occur at school (in those students/adults who were not previously diagnosed). We need to be aware of symptoms of anaphylaxis as a community, provide reasonable accommodations, and not set up a false sense of security.
I was on a different website before finding this, and was shocked to see that this debate is nearly split 50/50 for and against banning peanuts in school systems.
So many of these folks probably against never used a daycare either, where most commercially run facilities not only ban peanut products but also ban powdered products (powdered baby formula). It is no great crisis to have to read a food label before you pack that item in your child’s lunchbox.
While toy guns don’t kill anyone, kids will be kids and point and shoot at people. So, in public school no one seems to really complain and feel so put out that toys of mass destruction are prohibited and they don’t pose any direct harm in school.
We also have varying dress codes that are enforced to protect children for various reasons.
All this banter back and forth about tree nut/peanut allergies, these children are Americans with Disabilities, and those against it seem to feel its okay to discriminate-somehow these kids don’t deserve a public education. Let’s go back to the times before civil rights, where equality was just for the white man, because the white man didn’t want to change his position even though they could see it wasn’t right. After all one of the most famous documents of our government state “we the people” not “we the white man”….this argument also sounds selfish and destructive.
I can’t understand why this issue is so emotionally charged from parents who don’t support banning tree nuts/peanuts from public school systems. It seems that it may have to go to a federal level and ban it from all schools receiving federal aid because some people are so reckless in their thinking and don’t want to change. To some, this is a toxic substance – yes it kills 200+ children a year with an allergy to peanuts. Do you want to be the parent that sent in the snack or whose son ate this product while sitting next to the kid that died that day in front of him? Really? I’ve worked in school systems and summer camps where things can be more loose and all the kids eat in the cafeteria at the same time and they get out of their seat and run around. It is a mine field people to try to protect these children. I watch teachers who are supposed to “police” lunch time, yet they clump together with many a back turned to the kids, because they treat lunch time like it is a social hour. I’m not making accusations, just stating that this does happen and its too much to ask of schools.
When children are adults and the kids with the disability are adults, its a different matter, because those with the allergies that are fortunate to become adults will still face challenges in staying safe but will have better control of their environment and not encourage the lessons of discrimination and bullying because of a major health condition. Peanut allergies can kill, soy allergies and gluten don’t have the same acute threat of death. Continuing to allow peanuts in schools puts a lot of undo stress on the administration, teachers, and shrinking number of aides to educate and keep children SAFE by not allowing this product to be banned. It is not that hard to read a label and determine if it is safe to send in for a class snack, unless of course you are illiterate. In fact, more and more manufacturers are putting the ingredients and warnings of facilities manufacturing products on contaminated equipment in bold, making it increasingly more difficult to miss or make a mistake.
Proudly I am a mother of a perfectly healthy 7 year old who has taught her son to be empathetic and concerned for his friends with medical conditions/disabilities, whose child would never consider packing a PB&J sandwich and always asks if the snacks I packed are safe so he can sit next to his best friend at lunch, on a field trip, or anywhere else. Parents with children with allergies could breath a sigh of relief if they could count on people feeling that they too cannot spare any children in this world and act accordingly.
I have to agree with the nurse comment above yours. I am a parent that has a child with tree nut, peanut, and sesame allergies and I feel that asking for complete bans is a bit excessive. If your child is so allergic to something that they could die by being exposed, why on earth would you trust anyone else to care for them all day long? That seems irresponsible to me. If we start banning all foods that can cause allergic reactions, we will be left with few kids that have any lunch at all. Is it a challenge to read a food label before sending a snack or lunch item in to class? NO. However, as a parent I don’t trust that other parents will be fully aware of what they are reading. For example, in our case sesame can be listed as a hidden ingredient. Which is why I, as a parent, must accept responsibility for my own child’s health issues and ensure her safety myself.
This issue isn’t about discriminating against kids with allergies, it is about common sense. You are a fool to think that other people should have that much responsibility for your child’s safety in regards to what they eat or come in contact with. That’s a big liability for anyone and I’m shocked that people hold those expectations of school officials, other CHILDREN, and other parents. Again, this is coming from a person that has a child with food allergies. I’d be an idiot to think that an entire school system should hold such large responsibility.
Again, I agree with the nurse’s comment. There are other alternatives that could be executed to keep kids from being exposed to severe allergens. The school systems have set up special needs classrooms for several years for kids with other ‘disabilities’.
If at that point you still feel your child is not safe at school, you should probably take the time as a parent to home-school or make other accommodations for YOUR child.
I get it, we all think our child is more important than the other kid or they have greater needs, but the fact of the matter is, that once they leave our care, they are not. They are just another kid in a room that only deserves equal treatment, not special treatment. Which means, your child’s dietary needs do not trump mine or anyone else’s child’s dietary needs. Yes, I understand they have an allergy and I certainly would never want anything to happen to them. When a kid is at risk of possible death from those allergies, it is your job as a responsible parent to remove them from the potential risk.
I too tend to favor the opinions of the school nurse & yours as well. My son is allergic to peanuts (class 5), all tree nuts, egg, and soy & I also believe it is a crazy complicated world & I cannot protect him from EVERYTHING. However, as an educator, I get a little irked when people defend their position by offering solutions in school settings or scenarios without much real background knowledge.
1. Schools did at one time set up special classrooms to hide the disabled kids away, but since IDEA was signed into federal law in 1990, schools have done a complete about face & no longer tuck away the “high needs” child. One might go ahead and consider the time before IDEA as the dark ages of educating children with disabilities. Mainstreaming and inclusion are the jargon of the day & even severely disabled kids are integrated into the classroom if not all day, then at least some portion that is appropriate for their education. There are still units for emotionally disturbed students or severely autistic children who may cause harm to self or others (hmmm sounds familiar-infringements on the rights of others to have a safe learning environment -like say, a peanut might) & of course medically fragile children do still remain separate. Although food allergies can be life threatening, it is not even in the ballpark of the needs of a medically fragile child.
2. Generally, the tone & articulation of your comment implies perhaps an educated and financially sound household. Not true for every allergic family. The idea that every parent can just “decide” to home school, or have enough social capital to find an alternative is absurd. Low SES (socio economic status) children are being fed free breakfast, lunch & summer meals, provided all school supplies, and offered free/reduced after school childcare by the federal government. Quitting work (likely multiple low paying jobs) & staying at home & picking up a packaged curriculum at the teacher store is just not an option for a large portion of American parents.
Like I said, I agree with your moderate views, but your arguments do not stand up to the facts.
This is ridiculous to even suggest this in public school. I have just recently moved to a school that forbids peanut butter for the 1st/k. Here lies my problem. First is takes away the rights of other non-”disabled” childrens right to eat what they want. Second wear does it end! I am a parent with a disabled child. Never have any rights of other children in our school have been violated to accomodate my child. NO he doesn’t have a food allergy but I would feel the same way if he did.
This is the problem I have with my school. Telling us to not send in snacks for the WHOLE class with out peanuts is a reasonable request because I am potentialy feeding that child with the allergy. Now at lunch that is a different story. My school only forbids it for 1st/k and they have a peanut free table. Well they forbid it at lunch because they don’t want that child to be excluded. (Well BOOHOO! Your child will be excluded for the rest of his/her life. Lets not sugar coat things. Stand up and be a parent and tell them sorry life isn’t fair! It ISN’T!)
Now you are going to argue that not all kids wash thier hands and could spread it to your child. Well my school still allows older grades to have PB. Guess what they may still come in contact for that same reason through out the halls. The school on the other hand should be vigilant on making ALL the children clean up/wash hands before leaving the lunch room.
If you are so worried about your child then they should never be taken out of the house. Teach your kid what a peanut reaction is like so they know what to do. You can’t keep them in a bubble. GET A LIFE!
Also I do feel your pain and I would feel it if any of my children/grandchildren had the same issue. My community I left had a parent with a child with a peanut allergy. Instead of inflicting a peanut free zone for everyone else she started a school for her son and other children like hers.
I think all of us, on both sides of the argument, fear the thought of sharing a school community with someone like you.
The shear anger of your email speaks volumes about your character. Yes, go ahead and say “BOOHOO” to a kindergartener or 1st grader. Great! Do you treat your own child the same? BOOHOO, you have a disability. Too bad, life isn’t fair, don’t complain when there is no ramp or elevator. And when there is, well, never think about all of the taxes that were paid to have them installed. It’s always very CONVENIENT for people to pay taxes. Is this what you tell YOUR child?
This is a terrible way to raise a child.
If you’ve ever watched little ones eat you will know that one kid’s food is everyone’s food. There are not neat. It gets everywhere. Maybe we need to tell all the other little ones – too bad, you will have manners when you eat. Yeah, right.
I actually don’t support peanut free schools. They create a false sense of security. And as the nurse stated above, there are many other food allergies and we can not remove all of them. There are other ways to keep kids safe in school. My child has had contact anaphylaxis to peanut butter and I still don’t support this.
But your hateful attitude is appalling and your reasoning is very simple-minded. Food allergies are the only known disability that require other people to do something different. It’s just a fact of life. Maybe you’re the one who needs to learn to deal with reality – you know, the advice you gave to the 5, 6, and 7-year-olds, you should try taking yourself. BOOHOO to you!
You had me at “takes away the rights of other non-”disabled” childrens right to eat what they want”. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A RIGHT TO EAT A PEANUT. Lets be clear and rational here – my kids right to LIVE kind of outweighs your childs right to eat a peanut. When we walk out the front door each morning there are certain societal norms and standards that we all adhere to, courtesy, understanding, tolerance and inclusion to name a few. Learn it, live it.
Jamie-
Karma might bite you in the bite some day for your BOOHOO remark!!
I’m disgusted with this comment.
Your school has a wishy washy policy, likely because the bureaucrats that made that policy are as uninformed as you. Rather than wasting your time spewing uneducated vitriol as you have here, go read something and then work with your school to create a more sound and less confusing policy. If you had any clue as to the nature & severity of peanut reactions specifically, you would know “where it ends”…at peanuts. You will still have a right (tee hee hee on that one) to send the other 7 high allergen foods as per FDA law.
On another note, it is impossible to say BOOHOO and GET A LIFE and and “I feel your pain” in the same message…& not be accused of being perhaps a little special, yourself.
Finally, as a special education teacher, I wish your disabled child good luck. If I may infer based on your message here, he/she has an incredibly sub par parent/advocate in their corner.
I just found this site and find it very interesting. My child has a life threatening peanut/tree nut allergy, so I pack her lunch every day. The classroom is a peanut free zone, but the lunchroom is not. She sits at the no peanut table, every day, alone. She is not allowed to have friends sit with her at all. How sad is that? It’s not her fault she can’t have that stuff. The other kids can have it and then go play outside, sit at the art tables, computers etc. We all know kids don’t wash their hands. Perhaps I should make her carry Clorox wipes with her everywhere and wipe things down before she touches it? Maybe living in a bubble would be good.
I am shocked and saddened by many of the responses I have just read. I am a parent of a child who is SEVERLY allergic to peanuts- yes life threatening- along with Tree Nuts, Milk, Eggs, Cats, Dogs, Shellfish, Cats and Dogs and Asthma. If exposed to Peanuts, he would probably only have minutes. He is literally off the charts and his annual Ige tests do not show any improvement. We have taught him (he is almost 5) what he is allergic to and to recognize foods that he can’t have. He knows to ask an adult if it is peanut safe. We have done everything to educate him. However, I can’t expect another 5 year old who does not have food issues to realize that if they had a peanut butter sandwich and then touched my son or a toy that he plays with to realize that it will possibly kill him. THAT IS WHY WE ASK THE HELP OF OTHER PARENTS, TEACHERS, FRIENDS AND ANY ADULT WHO IS THERE TO HELP! I don’t want the entire world altered for my son, however I do expect others around him who I have notified of his allergies to be aware and help.
Here are two comparisons that I have used with “difficult” people who are ignorant to the severity of the situation.
1. How would you feel if I gave your child a gun loaded with one bullet and let them play with it? (harsh I know but sometimes that is what it takes)
2. Your child will live without peanut butter, my child can’t live with it.
I have written the letter that goes home to parents explaining the situation. The one above is not worded well. I get what they are saying but it could have been communicated a little better.
We are not asking for world peace we are simply asking to help keep kids who have this situation safe.
Sorry, but if your child has that severe of an allergy he/she should be homeschooled until he/she is old enough to navigate the school situation.
When is old enough? Adolescents, teens, and adults die while navigating LIFE. It’s not that simple.
I agree with another poster, this letter does come across condescending. I am happy to make adjustments to the types of lunch and snacks I send my daughter to school in the interest of protecting her classmate, I’m even careful that my baby does not have peanut butter before I bring him to pick her up, but receiving a letter that suggests to me that we are benefitting due to healthier options than PB (lunch meat? Gag) when I believe cheetos and doritos are included on the safe list just rubs me the wrong way. It was a letter that appealed to my compassion that worked for us.
Wow. Is this what I am going to come up against once my son starts school?! I would never have imagined that ANY parent or teacher would have such strong resistance against something so simple to ensure a child’s life is safe guarded. Even before I had children, let alone ones with anaphylaxis, I would have done anything asked to prevent the risk of a child dying. I am saddened by some of the responses here and hope that with the coming years schools and all parents will have greater understanding. It’s very simple. Would anyone want a child to have to walk a tightrope without a safety harness every day to get to school? no.
Please tell me, as I am needing to find a solution to this PB problem.
Will Nutela akahazelnut butter present an issue with anti-PB students?
Thank the lord my son does not suffer this allergic issue, but We all want to avoid a nightmare for the anti PB parents.
Sunflower and Soy are out for us. We have a Soybean allergy in our home.
Thanks for your input.
I know I’m late to the conversation but I just need to ask Concerned Citizen how exactly I am to teach my five year old child how to detect and avoid the miniscule amount of oil from a peanut that it would take for my child to have an anaphylactic reaction? Because believe me, if I knew how to do this, I would much rather address it through my own child than through others.
And while we’re at it, a teacher friend of mine recently had to send a 5th grade child off in an ambulance because his friends at school thought that a good way to play would be to dare him to eat some of their pb and j. Can you teach me how to prevent kids from being kids? And can you teach me how to council the students who had to stand there and watch their fellow classmate turn blue and writhe around on the floor as they wondered if they were actually watching one of their friends die?
Quite honestly, I’m a shy people pleaser type, and asking people to make accommodations for my son and calling attention to our family is sometimes almost physically painful so the insinuation that I am asking people to alter their behavior just because I “feel” like it just makes me crazy.
I don’t complain because of the accommodations for people w/disabilities that my tax dollars pay for so how is this so different?
I am responding to this because I agree with your mission and support it wholeheartedly. I have read the other responses and see both sides of the coin, but realize that “my kid will get a rash from…”, and “my kid might die from…” are certainly two different playing fields!
A quick note about myself, my second daughter showed signs of food allergies as an infant. She reacted (swelling and hives) to over 50 percent of the foods we introduced her to (which I began homemaking from organic fruits and vegetables) which prompted our pediatrician to prescribe an Epipen which we still carry on us at all times. Yet it seems we are lucky; at 18 months she appears to have “grown out” of these issues. I feel this gives me the unique vantage point of truly understanding both sides of the coin.
Again, I am writing this because I believe in your mission and want it to succeed. I believe your letter is flawed- it is condescending to parents of non-allergic kids. Either attempt to appeal to these parents’ empathy, or try to educate them, but not both simultaneously. My suggestion is appeal to their empathy, and include links or website addresses (for non-electronic versions) for educational purposes. Do not tell a parent that you are trying to convince to stop putting pb&j’s in their child’s lunch that they are serving their kids unhealthy foods. (Which by the way, I may be ignorant to the idiosyncrasies of the different spreads, but I fail to see how sunflower butter is any healthier than organic peanut butter.)
Regardless, I feel that this letter will be far more successful if it simply appeals to parents’ empathy. Most parents do not comprehend their child’s health and safety in something as simple and fleeting as something in a child’s lunchbox sitting next to their own. Figure out how to relate it to them (i.e. their own child’s health and safety) and I think you may receive more understanding, and less defensiveness.
Good luck, I hope the best for your organization and its mission.
Thanks for your thoughtful response, Meagin.
As parents of a food allergic child, we struggled with ways of informing others about the dangers of anaphylaxis and our need to safeguard our daughter at the expense of a few liberties related to food in the classroom. We wanted to let the parents of her schoolmates know that we appreciated their sacrifice and to give them an effective strategy for helping them comply.
The letter proved so successful for us that we decided to share it with others, encouraging them to adapt it to their specific circumstances in order to open a similar dialog within their respective communities. Judging from the response, it has been favorably received and is being redistributed by parents, teachers and school nurses across the country.
It was certainly not our intent to be at all condescending; we leave it up to you and our other readers to decide if we indeed struck that chord.
The reference to peanut butter alternatives being more healthful refers to the saturated fat content of the respective spreads. Many of the alternatives are lower is saturated fat and have a higher proportion of monounsaturated fats than peanut butter.
It should be up to the parents of the child with an allergy to teach their child rather than lay it on everyone else. The argument of why wouldn’t someone show empathy and prevent their child from dying seems unreasonable. It is up to the parents to let school administrators know and properly prepare their child for what they can and cannot be exposed to. There should be separate areas for kids that have allergies. Forcing everyone else to alter their life over a few seems fairly selfish. Make everyone aware that little Suzie has an allergy to peanuts, so do not come near her in the lunchroom or until your hands are washed when done eating.
Seems like the way of the world today. I have a special circumstance now everyone must cater to my needs. If I don’t get my way, I get a lawyer and fight until everyone does things the way I want them to get done. Disagree? You are a racist monster that wants innocents to die. There is no in between. You have to adapt to what I want!!
As a school professional, I can clarify that part of the federal mandates for public education are that schools, do, infact have to “cater to the needs” of its students. The parents of a food allergic child pay taxes, like everyone else, in part so that their children can benefit from a SAFE and accessible education. Parents of food allergic children are not asking for a nationwide ban on peanuts or any other food in all public locations.
I have to question whether bringing a peanut butter sandwich to school is truly a hugely altered life. Unless peanut butter is what your life is centered around… This argument is akin to thinking that it’s wrong for non-smokers to want no smoking policies in malls and restaurants.
While pointing the finger at parents who appreciate others making adjustments to their lunchtime routines (which, if we are honest, is really a quite trivial adjustment) for being self centered, we could perhaps be looking at the parents who hold on to their peanut butter with white knuckles, refusing to make ANY adjustment that would so greatly improve the safety and well-being of other children. What is wrong with compassion and acts of generosity?
You should also understand that parents of food allergic children are not asking for you to do anything about things we “want.” We all want our children to go to school and come back alive. That’s not such a selfish request. Feel free to refuse to help with that, but let’s call it what it is. A complete lack of desire to do anything to help anyone but yourself.
It’s quite obvious that “Concerned Citizen” has never seen their child turn blue, not be able to breath, and entire body swell up in hives before. They also don’t have to live with the fear of it happening again to their child. We’re not asking you or your child to alter your life to help our child – if your child washing their hands after eating peanut butter is such a horrible thing to avoid the chance of another child ending up in the hospital with an anaphylaxis reaction, then I’m sorry. It’s not about everyone catering to us – it’s about being a decent human being.
First off, you don’t know anything about me. My son does have an allergy. I have seen his eye swell shut and have heard him wheeze as his throat has closed. My wife and I did our job, as his parents, to prepare him for what he can and cannot be around. My issue is with a small percentage expecting a large majority to change their behavior because they have an allergy. I don’t expect special treatment for my son and I don’t want him growing up expecting others to adapt to his needs. By failing to properly prepare him and just decreeing that everyone should change their behavior is setting him up for a disaster. Not everyone will comply. Not because they are evil or cold blooded, but because people are fallible. Better that my son learns to look out for himself. It is safer that way.
I offered the solution of having separate eating areas and making sure everyone thoroughly washes their hands if eating peanut butter before they come into contact with someone with a peanut allergy. But still I find nasty replies stating that I am selfish. It is a bigger issue than eating peanut butter and jelly. It is the constant pressure to conform and do what the few determine is the best for everyone else. Disagree and you are close-minded. Never mind that they disagree with you. They know what is right and that’s that.
Just sit back in judgment. That is so much easier than teaching your kids about responsibility and accountability. Better to teach them that everyone else is to blame.
Before you attack and judge, maybe you should have re-read your first post to see how you were coming across. We are not sitting back in judgment. We don’t teach our daughter everyone else is to blame. We have taught our daughter responsibility and accountability. That’s how she was able to get through Kindergarten and let other teachers know when one of her art teachers kept putting her health in jeopardy. We have properly prepared her. Not that I need to defend myself to you, but you don’t know me nor do I know you. I was going off the basis of your first post, and since you say others “attack” as well, maybe that should tell you how you are coming across. If you would have explained things like you just did in your reply back to me, people wouldn’t take your posts the wrong way. I’m not looking to attack you back, just saying that when we are obviously on the same side since we both have children with a severe allergy, we shouldn’t be attacking each other when there are enough people that are attacking us/our children.
I’ve met many parents of allergic children and I have seen a broad spectrum of opinions from them regarding the level of responsibility that others ought to have in protecting allergic children. I have heard everything from ‘ban XXX from the school’ to ‘separate tables and a solid action plan are all we need…my child knows to stay away from xxx’. In all of the latter cases though, there is an overwhelming sense of empathy for parents who wish they could eliminate the presence of the allergen altogether. This is the kind of understanding that comes from watching an innocent child nearly die or simply having an education on how little allergen might be needed and how rapid anaphylaxis can be. Your tone simply is not consistent with my experience when it comes to parents of allergic children. IMHO a person with an allergic child who held your opinion might have started out by saying “As the parent of… I understand the desire to…” and continued with.. “I was never comfortable imposing change on others and feel it is the sole responsibility”… You however are clearly calling out parents of allergic children as being part of another group when in your second sentence you say “….teach their child..” Your tone IMHO is consistent with the typical parent who feels their child is suffering if they can’t eat xxx for lunch. In summary, I for one suspect that you (“Concerned Citizen’) do not in fact have a child with an allergy, and certainly not with a history of anaphylaxis. I believe that to be a weak attempt at humanity after the tone of your initial post… I could be wrong but I’d say odds are strongly in my favor.
Very well said. I believe the kids with food allergies need to be accommodated and not isolated from other children. It is bad enough for them that they have the condition and are different trying to fit in. And I guess until you are in another’s shoes you don’t know what they may go through. And to “Concerned Citizen”, What did happen to simple kindness and compassion to another life? Seriously.
OK, but what next? There will be an endless list of situations to “accomodate”. Our public schools are already drowning in regulation and actual academic learning is pushed out so much. You can’t be all things to all people, you just end up doing a poor job of everything. I have a PA child in my family. But seriously, schools cannot and should not cater to each and every disability/allergy/behavioral problem. Send those kids to special schools where their needs can be better served. Regular schools for mainstream kids. Sorry, but the nanny state is not a good idea.
As a parent of a peanut-allergic child and a public school elementary teacher, I understand both sides of the issue. But if students (like my son) should be attending special schools, what alternatives are there to these:
1) The student attends private school: Aren’t these supposed to be an alternative to public schools to those who choose (and can afford) them? My tax money -and the law- creates access to public education, and yes, this can lead to an inordinate amount of regulations that may affect the quality of education you deem satisfactory. But as an educator once said, “Public does not necessarily mean quality. And if you don’t agree, consider the percent of the time you use your public transportation system.” If one is not satisfied with the regulations and demands placed on the public education system, shouldn’t they be the one considering that their child attend a private institution?
2) Put the students in “special schools”: And provided the number of students potentially qualifying under this status (as low as it can be, particularly in rural areas), who is to be providing the funding to the building and maintaining of these facilities? To suggest the creation of these programs runs counter to point the system is already “drowning in regulation”.
3) Students are home-schooled: The argument here seems to be if the child is an inconvenience to the public and its systems, exclude them from those affected parts of society. Does this mentality sound familiar to anyone other than me?
Again, I understand both sides of the issue, and am certainly biased having a child with allergies. I wonder whether a lot of the issues would be resolved differently if we could actually attach faces and personalities to them. I know my son struggles with so many of the sacrifices he has to make with things many people –including myself- take for granted (i.e., going to restaurants, eating Halloween candy he receives, and simply SHARING snacks with his friends). I wonder what he would say to the notion that there are adults who don’t want him attending their schools as well…
I think this is a wonderful letter. I am both a parent of a 2 year old who has became allergic to tree nuts, and to three other children ( 19, 17, and 12 ) who do not suffer from any food allegies. I had the same “but why” attitude. Until it hit home. Please just be resepectful. Don’t send [peanut butter to school]. With all the alternatives out there, it is just cruel and wrong to fight against the very protection of a child’s life. When/If it is your own child, you WILL see this subject through a different heart.
REALLY? If your kid so so sensitive, then they need to be educated on their allergy from the second you figure out, and carry an epi-pen with them at all times. I’m deathly allergic to bees; my mom didn’t write a letter to rest of the kids’ parents and expect THEM to do anything about it, or tell the school they needed to set out bee traps and kill any bee that flew on campus. Instead she explained to me that it could kill me if I continued to poke bees’ nests with sticks. I was five at the time. So, explain to your very allergic child that eating peanut butter will make them very sick, and that they will have to get a shot if they do. Shots are an extremely effective motivator, particularly if your kid doesn’t quite understand that dead means gone forever.
Celia, while I respect your opinion, the comparison of your circumstances as a child with those of food allergic kids today misses the mark. A better comparison would play out like this: Suppose the parents of your fellow classmates had a choice to send their children to school with a peanut butter alternative or live bees. Would it have been too much of an imposition to ask them to choose the alternative in deference to your life threatening allergy, even if live bees was their favorite snack? Peanuts are just as dangerous in the classroom and accidental contact just as unpredictable as the possibility of a random bee sting.
Every parent of a food allergic child spends a great deal of time educating (read ‘training’) their child to avoid allergens, but that’s only half the story; accidental contact is much harder to prevent.
And why so indignant? Is the prospect of sending your child to school with an alternative so onerous to you that you would forgo another child’s safety?
They can ask but shouldn’t be told what to do. It is up to the parent of a child with an allergy to deal with this. Not me. Nor should that childs allergies/disablities be imposed on children with out a disability. I am a mother with a disabled child and we have never imposed anything on another child with out it.
You really think so? I don’t know what your child’s disability is, but if a child is in a public school (and has an IEP), consider whether the per-pupil cost of that child is the same as a non-classified student. Truth is, federal law mandates accommodation of students with disabilities, but the federal government has been unable to fully fund their allocation toward the mandates (which has put the burden on the local districts as a result). So while we may not be imposing anything personally (which is arguably subjective), from a public systems standpoint, institutions and departments have responsibility to bear (either financial or otherwise), regardless of whether we as individuals agree with it.
I can tell you with certainty that my 5 year old won’t be poking at or instigating another student with a stick or anything else. He knows what he cannot eat. What I am concerned about is your child eating a PBJ and then poking at my kid with unwashed hands.
Jodi…clearly you do not have a child that can die in two minutes from a peanut/ tree nut allergy. Consider yourself blessed. I am sorry that trying to keep our children ALIVE is getting on your nerves. Maybe you should really consider what can truly happen to our children. This is not just a rash we are talking about here!
If it is that deadly, I fail to see how you can trust others so easily. I think I would have a hard time letting my child out of my sight until they were sufficiently aware of their own safety.
Totally agree. I would homeschool my child, end of story.
Reason 1: A child (even adults fully capable of self care) can be sufficiently aware of his/her own safety & still be at risk on a daily basis because of the combative view that eating peanuts is a god given right, or something foolish, like that. Is it too much to ask that my child go to school like your child AND be alive at the end of the day? It’s not, it’s federal law.
JGirl: Yours is an entitled perspective if not just uninformed.You must have the means to home school, or bluffing from behind the anonymity & safety of your computer screen. Not every parent does. What you do not understand is that the federal government (thankfully not you) states that my child has a right to attend public schools and his needs for a safe environment be accommodated. It is only controversial for schools because the federal government signed a federal law (IDEA-Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) in 1990 (TWENTY THREE years ago) which says any educational institution accepting federal funding must provide a free and appropriate education for ALL children. That’s not the controversial part. It is controversial because so many people such as yourself are so uneducated and so unable to muster the motivation to do a little research, and have some decency and compassion. I am a teacher in public schools. If I had to stay home and home school my boy, who would teach your child not to be a bigot? IDEA is considered by the more well informed, to be the SECOND civil rights act this country has enacted into law. If you are annoyed by this particular federal law (which my taxes help fund), then perhaps you are the one who should home school. End of story
I am concerned about other allergies like milk or soy. Since we can’t forbid milk at schools, why do we feel the need to ban peanuts, tree nuts. It is much more effective to teach and establish baseline safety procedures to deal with the allergens. Aren’t we trying to teach our children how to learn and survive in the real world? Not remove all unsafe items from the world. We can’t do that in the real world or in the school environment. So shouldn’t we be more concerned with making things safe for all children with allergies. I am all for that.
No, not “remove all unsafe items from the world,” but removing unsafe things from a school is reasonable. Schools make accomodations for every child, whether their needs be behavioral, academic, emotional or medical. Denying food allergic children a safe environment is a slippery slope…what other students are we going to deny a safe environment to?
As parents, we all teach our children how to be safe in the world, but we also understand that it takes time, maturity, and experience before they are able to do it independently. We don’t entrust our children to keep themselves safe in life-threatening circumstances at a young age because that is not developmentally appropriate. Educators understand what is developmentally appropriate, which is why they believe in creating these safe environments for students with allergies. Children don’t truly enter the “real world” until they graduate and are adults themselves. Until then, they are under the protection of adults (be it parents, teachers, etc.) because it is not age appropriate to expect them to fully understand their needs or to fully understand how to keep themselves safe.
What a bunch of crap this is. My child is allergic to eggs and not once did I tell the school or other parents that anything with eggs should be banned. Eggs, like peanuts, sneak into many unexpected things…pancakes, ice cream, etc… The only “safe” things to do is teach my child what he can/cannot eat. And schools do not make accommodations for every child. I also have a child with behavior issues and she is booted out for every little infraction…clinking a pen, tapping her feet, not sitting still, etc. If she can’t sit quietly and pay attention like the “normal” kids, she’s out of class and in the office where she can’t be a distraction to others. And if you still think you’re right and I’m wrong, I have one more question…what if my child eats toast with PB on it in the morning? There might be traces their hands or clothes. Are you going to ban what I can serve at home too or maybe have freshly washed clothes available for them once the arrive at school. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it.
My 5 year old has eczema. Really bad eczema & when he eats certain foods he breaks out all over his body. Nothing seems to really help his itching & yes, we have tried about a hundred different creams, lotions, medications & home remedies. When he goes to school, I am very cautious about what I pack in his lunch. He does not eat the cafeteria food even though his teacher and nurse know what he can & can not have! However, I do not put the “responsibility” of what he eats onto other parents or students in his class. If a parent sends their children to school with something that my son is “allergic”too, my son is seated at the end of the table BY HIMSELF!!! I’m going to jump on my soapbox for a second & say that I should be able to send my child to school with whatever I chose to in his lunch box! Let the child who has the allergy be seated in a different section of the cafeteria! I love children and do not wish ANY child harm. So if a child has a life threatening issue they should be the ones who are isolated! Don’t care if I offend anyone but this is just one mother’s opinion. I don’t have a problem with my child having to sit separate from his classmates. It doesn’t hurt my child’s feelings either!
Just commenting on the severe eczema … we had this issue with our daughter, and nothing helped. I was researching something on the internet and found an article about how a natural (plant based) dye called annatto caused severe eczema. I took it out of her diet, and the severe eczema went away. If you are already reading labels – this will be easy for you to do. Most things – there were alternatives for. Example – orange goldfish have it – original or parmesan goldfish do not. yellow American cheese has it – white American does not. It’s also in some vanilla ice creams. Since it’s a natural dye – it’s in a TON of products labeled organic. it’s worth a try if you haven’t found anything to help yet.
I have a son with a life threatening peanut allergy and other food allergies. This is a good letter. He is in a school that does allow peanut butter and it is a constant struggle to ensure that the educators are aware and educated, without being the overbearing parent. I did not let my son eat the alternatives when he was young, it was important to me that he knew to avoid everything that looked like peanut butter. Now that he is 10 he has a good understanding and has tried some alternative, but doesn’t like them.
I am the mother of a first-grader with a peanut allergy and am experiencing problems with educating others, so welcome your letter and further discussions. I do have 2 points though that I am interested in hearing more views on:
1- The issue of a peanut butter substitute makes me very nervous. I am trying to teach my child what is dangerous/should be avoided and can’t see the sense in introducing a substitute product that many claim “looks the same”. How do you teach them to avoid one thing and yet say it’s OK to eat another when they appear the same? Aren’t you safer saying ‘Don’t eat anything that looks remotely like this’? What would stop your child from reaching out for peanut butter because they are thinking, ‘oh this OK, I have it at home’? Also, with the resistance from other parents that many have experienced, saying they can use a product for the school environment that is identical in appearance to a one that is banned is simply too hard to police. I worry the alternative product just gives us a false sense of security. I wouldn’t put it past a few parents to just use PB and think they can get away with it
2 – When trying to educate others about allergies, I find the term ‘allergies’ to be my worst enemy. The prevalence of seasonal allergies (and associated advertising) seems to have made us overfamiliar with the term allergies and we tend to think it only means a few sniffles etc. I find when you are educating others about a severe food allergy that results in anaphylaxis, you should call it just that – Food Anaphylaxis. I get a better response. I think it gives it the level of severity that it requires and helps stop other parents thinking their child can’t have PB&J because mine might get a runny nose.
Great points, Helen! I especially like your idea for stressing Food Anaphylaxis over allergies.
I sympathize with your concern that parents will try to circumvent peanut bans and send their kids to school with real PB in the guise of an alternative. In fact, some schools have banned anything looking like PB, but this is the exception, not the norm. My hope is that schools will make it as simple for parents to comply as possible, which is one of the reasons we founded this website.
As for teaching your child to avoid mistaking peanut butter for the alternative, I can only speak from our own experience. At a very early age we drummed into our daughter never to accept food that wasn’t either in her lunch box or the goody box we kept filled for her at school for celebrations. Even though the school uses our snack guide to keep allergens out of the classroom, we still insist she only eat foods that come from home.
I agree 100% with Helen & Monica. At first, I thought Monica’s statement sounded harsh at the child sitting alone, but I’m sure they have a buddy that will join them. I still remember being a nervous mom with the thought of my child in the lunch room… what if a child next to my son, spilled his milk? And although I typed up a letter for the parents explaining the situation and even suggesting safe foods for snack time in the classroom, I don’t think I would have it in me to tell other moms what to feed their child in place of PB in the lunch room (if PB applied to us). My son is now 15. He does not have a peanut/tree nut allergy but ‘Food Anaphylaxis’ from milk and eggs. He is in high school now. I continue to pack his lunch every day as I have since the first grade as he will not trust the school cafeteria or staff. He’s mostly concerned about cross-contamination and I don’t blame him. I’m sure things have changed a lot in the grade schools since we’ve been there, but I am curious… Can’t there be ‘allergy free’ or ‘peanut free’ tables where the child can sit? I’m sure the allergic child has friends whose parent understands and respect the issue and will make them a peanut free lunch and can sit with him/her at lunch. As for the others, can a rule of hand washing be done in a disciplined manner immediately after lunch? Tables can be washed thoroughly and the child can bring his own placemat. I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic or ignorant, but perhaps understand why this plan could not work. Keep safe all you allergy families!
I failed to add: Can PB be banned from the classroom but perhaps allowed in the lunch room using the plan I mentioned above?
We’ve seen first hand the immediate reaction that occurs with trace amounts of peanut and tree nuts in our child’s cafeteria. Unseen residue from peanut butter on lunchroom tables, classroom items (books, art materials, pencils, desks) and rec equipment from children who “will only eat peanut butter” triggered immediate anaphalaxis within our daughter. Nothing is worse than realizing that your child’s school environment is unsafe, each and every day because of parents who fight NOT to have empathy or understanding within their hearts.
Thank you very much for the letter describing why your child can not bring peanut butter to school. As a “nut” free preschool, we struggle with this issue frequently. I have taken the time to state our school policy in our handbook and on sign up sheets for special events. I specifically state to parents, “please do not send in items that contain peanuts or tree nuts or that have been processed on machinary that might contain these items”. I tell them to check the labels!!! I am simply amazed and dumbfounded when a parent will hand me a bag of Snickers, 3 Musketeers or Kit Kat bars when the label states quite clearly that the candy may be cross contimated with nuts! The best response from a parent just last week took the cake! She sent in a special treat for her son’s birthday that had a label that specifically said ‘may contain nuts’. This specific two year old classroom has a child with a life threatening allergy to peanuts and when we gave her back the snack, she was only concerned that her child was dissappointed that he didn’t get to have a special snack! The child who had the LIFE THREATENING allergy didn’t even faze her!
Asking parents to ‘substitute’ peanut butter with another alternative is perfectly fine. I advocate that highly to my parents when they say their child only eats PB & J for lunch. Thank you very much for your website. I will direct parents to use the information you have made available.
Thank you for this letter. I think it does a good job of explaining what could happen if an allergic child were to come in contact with peanut butter; however, what is not mentioned and I had a hard time getting my daughters school to include in what”s not allowed in the classroom, is things that contain peanuts. Just saying peanut butter gives many parents the impression that other forms of peanuts are acceptable.
Also, many children are allergic to tree nuts (walnuts, cashews) as well, and while I am aware that your article deals with a peanut allergy, many schools fail to include the tree nut allergy when sending letters home to parents. Even reminding the teacher ahead of time, I’ve seen many letters come home for school parties “no peanut butter candy” or “no candy with peanuts.” Thankfully I went to all of her school parties, because it turned out they gave the entire class, including her, Snickers during the Halloween party in 1st and 2nd grade.
Mel, you are absolutely right about the open letter not mentioning other peanut-based foods. In this case we were specifically addressing the hot-button topic of peanut butter which has been in the news lately. We do encourage parents to use our letter as a template and edit it to fit their children’s specific allergies and circumstances.
a good way is to simply introduce the alternative to the kids :) my daughter has a peanut allergy and LOVES sunbutter. I packed some in her lunch one day and one of the boys asked if she was eating peanut butter? (they have a peanut free classroom.) she of course reminded him she can’t have PB and told him it was her special sunbutter. (Asking the teacher first if it was okay) she offered him some of it to try… and he LOVED it. He said he was going to tell him Mom about it.
Now, this is just a scenario with 6 year olds mind you… but as a parent, it would be a good idea to bring in some to the class of the alternative kinds letting the kids try some – whether in a sandwich bite, cookie, or some fashion.
Just an idea. :)
I do not have a child but…I was a teacher and I will say one thing. Lying to a child is an absolutely abominable way to handle the situation! There is nothing worse than deceit and that is what you are advocating!
While we do not at all advocate lying to your child, we also don’t see the need to worry your child needlessly that his favorite lunch (and possibly the only thing he’ll eat for lunch) will be taken away from him. Parents mix foods behind the scenes to transition their children all the time; we see this as no different from adding formula to a baby’s bottle to help wean her from breast milk, or adding pureed vegetables to spaghetti sauce to fortify a child’s diet. Families often agonize over their kids’ diets and the issue of banning peanut butter is a hot topic everywhere. We strongly believe this is an effective, low-stress solution for the parents and child.
Parents, please let us know how you feel about this issue by responding here. Do you believe that you are somehow being disingenuous to your child by slowly transitioning them from peanut butter to an alternative? Have you tried this method and has it worked for you? We value your feedback.
Marianne, no one endorses lying to a child. This is a process of weaning a child from one food to another. Personally, I don’t ask my child which brand of mustard, jam etc to purchase and making a peanut butter sandwich with peanut butter or an alternative is only a big deal if you make it one.
At my house, my daughter’s friends will get either Wow (soy butter) or SunButter (sunflower seed butter) depending on which was the best bargain when I was shopping. They like them equally and often request sandwiches!
At the last bake sale I attended, the allergen aware table offered free samples of Wow and 42 out of 44 liked it. Of the two dissenting tasters, one was a peanut butter gourmand who only eats freshly ground peanuts and the other has a peanut allergy and is distrustful of anything that resembles peanut butter.
The point is, there are alternatives out there.
I am VERY concerned about offering kids soy butter or sunflower seed butter without telling them what it is… “not peanuts” is NOT enough!
I am 44 years old and have food anaphylaxis to peanuts, tree nuts, and SOY… so your friendly alternative would KILL me just as fast as the peanuts!!
Please reconsider this practice. Many kids are allergic to soy, and some to sunflower seeds and sesame. Protecting your peanut-allergic kid shouldn’t involve killing the soy-allergic neighbor child.
Thanks for your consideration. Oh, and the alternatives at our house? Something completely different. We don’t use any sort of protein-butter-anything at our house, ever, and we get along just fine; 2 adults and 3 kids, including an almost-4 year old.
Julia, the substitution mentioned in the letter was a suggestion for parents feeding their own children. They would of course know if their own child has an allergy that would prevent substituting soy or sun nut butter for peanut butter. I do not think that the letter in any way endorses giving food to another child without knowing whether it was safe for them to eat. As a parent of a child with a food allergy, I am very aware when offering food to any child in my home and verify that they do not have any food allergies or restrictions. I would guess that anyone dealing with food issues on a daily basis is attuned to this as well and would not risk putting anyone’s health in danger.
“Lying to a child is an absolutely abominable way to handle the situation! There is nothing worse than deceit and that is what you are advocating!”
Do you encourage the belief of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.? Is it really deceitful when this substitute can save a child’s life? Life is full of sacrifices. If anything, that is what we are teaching our children.
Reactions like yours are part of the reason why parents of children with anaphylaxis are so scared to send their children to school–you’re nitpicking one little thing in the face of the numerous parents and teachers who actively bully allergic children and refuse to accommodate them despite the clear and present threat to their lives. I understand how in some cases, the ends do not justify the means, but I expect better critical thinking and reading skills out of those who call themselves educators. Nowhere did the author say to lie to the child, as in passing the alternative as peanut butter. It was simply suggested that a child could be weaned onto a peanut butter alternative by mixing it with real peanut butter until the child’s tastes have adjusted. You could tell the child, or simply not say anything, but in neither case are you lying.
I have a daughter with milk anaphalaxis. When she entered grade school I made the request that the school also provide for her the same care and concern they provided the other two students with peanut anaphylaxis. I was unequivocally denied my request. My experience in this debate is that not all allergies are treated with the equal respect even when the end result of exposure can have the same result: death. Why is it that tree nut/peanut trumps allergen any other allergen?
As a side note: When I realized that my daughter’s needs were not going to be met by the public school system that I still continue supporting through my taxes, I gave up a very lucrative career in the corporate world, down sized my life, moved to the country where I raise and milk goats, make goat based cheeses and soaps and learned how to homeschool my daughter.
At the end of the day it is up to each child’s parents to provide their offspring with best environment possible even if it means sacrificing and becoming someone who had never even conceived of becoming. In the my daughter’s life threatening allergy was a gift to both of us.
Gosh, I think your new lifestyle sounds way better than the corporate world. Honestly. But I do know such a move would require the savings/capital only a lucrative career in the corporate world would have provided for. However, as an educator in public schools (specifically where 97% of the population is eligible for free/reduced lunches-read here, extreme poverty), I also know that on a national level, your solution is not reasonable, nor is it a solution. In fact it’s a bit entitled. For some middle income allergic (kid) parents (myself included- you are aware that teaching is not lucrative?), staying put and fighting for our federally mandated rights is all we’ve got. For myself, I never conceived I would want to advocate for the rights of kids with food allergies, but here I am, figuring it out.
“absolutely abominable”
You are obviously letting your biased opinion rule-out your ability to be rational; really you are grasping with that comment. It is an absurd and emotionally charged statement – shame on you Marianne. If you do ever have a child, and they (God forbid) have a life threatening medical condition, you will hope for compassion from your fellow citizens, not the propagation of such unfair slander.